We all like to think we’re in control.
We set alarms, plan our day, organize calendars, lock our doors, choose careers. We try to map out the future, expecting things to go exactly as planned.
But life rarely follows the script.
Over time, I’ve realized that a lot of what we call “control” is just comfort in disguise. Truth is—we’re not really in charge. We’re just learning to live with uncertainty. And once I accepted this, life actually felt lighter.
The Garden That Didn’t Bloom
A few years ago, I spent weeks planning a flower bed in my backyard. I researched everything—soil, sunlight, watering schedules. I even got advice from a local expert. I thought I had it all figured out.
Then a cold snap hit. Some plants never bloomed, and others died quickly. I was frustrated. I had done everything “right.”
That flowerbed taught me something important.
I can give my best—but I still can’t control the outcome. Not in gardening, not in life.
How Our Mind Plays Tricks
Psychologists call this the “illusion of control.”
Back in 1975, a researcher named Ellen Langer showed that people believed they had better chances of winning a lottery if they picked their own numbers—even though the odds were the same.
Why do we think this way?
Because it gives us comfort. It makes us feel safe. But in the long run, this illusion can hurt. When things don’t go our way, we blame ourselves too much. We feel stressed and stuck.
In Business, Control Is Temporary
In my work with operations and leadership teams, I’ve seen this play out many times.
We build dashboards and models thinking we can predict the future. But then something unexpected happens—a pandemic, a war, a supply chain breakdown—and the whole system gets shaken.
The companies that bounce back fastest?
They’re not the ones with the most control. They’re the ones who can adapt quickly.
Plans are helpful. But flexibility is powerful.
In Relationships, Let Go a Little
We often try to manage relationships like projects.
We set expectations, try to guide people, and think we can shape the outcome with the right words or actions.
But people aren’t projects.
Just like plants, they grow in their own way and in their own time.
Relationships get better when we stop trying to control and start trusting more. When we stop fixing and start being fully present.
What Advaita Taught Me
In Advaita Vedanta, the idea of control doesn’t really hold up.
According to this philosophy, the “I” that thinks it controls everything is just a thought—a role we play.
During deep reflection or meditation, you start noticing that thoughts, feelings, even desires just come and go. You didn’t create them. You just noticed them.
When you see this, you stop clinging. You stop forcing.
You act with awareness, not with pressure. You choose, but don’t chase. You love, but don’t hold too tight.
So What Can We Control?
There’s a line from the Serenity Prayer that says it well: